Healing doesn’t happen overnight, despite our wishes. For a shift to happen, we need to look into ourselves for the root cause. Just like a sickness, it takes time and patience to heal. Sometimes even years or decades.
In the meantime, we get disappointed, frustrated, impatient, or depressed because nothing seems to happen.
Since very young age, I didn’t feel love from my parents. I always felt something was not right. So when the kindergarten teacher taught us “God is father and God loves us,” I got puzzled. When my mother told me “There is no mother who doesn’t love her child,” I could not fully believe her.
In the Catholic high school I studied, “love” was a prerequisite for life. As a very good student, I believed whatever the nuns said. However, when told to visualize my future beloved husband and family, I found it an impossible task.
Then I had an abortion at 22. The realization that I’d done it out of my incapacity of loving devastated me. I loathed myself and firmly resolved to learn to love. My healing journey began.
I assumed one life time might not be enough to accomplish such a lofty goal; I was too far. As anticipated, my progress was very, very slow.
“I will learn to love.” Yes, but what is love exactly? And how can I get closer to it?
As I had never been loved as who I was, I had no clear idea/picture of what I was aiming at. I thought feelings of love as love and thus went all over the place looking for it, with no avail. I spent more than 10 years in the dark pit, circling around.
One day a quote struck a chord: “Love is an art.” Oh love is an ART! Art that requires time and toil to grow and perfect, not something that I was equipped with! I am NOT. But, if art, I can start cultivating it, even from zero, and, no matter how long it may take.
Erich Fromm’s words filled me with renewed energy, courage, hope and inspiration to go through 4 more years to the first breakthrough. This mental understanding helped me to get out of the infertile circle and to go forward and upward.
When a breakthrough happens, we visit the scene that caused the trauma (= root cause), and re-experience the painful emotion. Once it is fully experienced and released (the process called catharsis), a shift/healing is complete.
In the life-long healing journey, the first breakthrough requires the longest time. Then it becomes easier and takes less time; one insight will lead to another, one experience help to go through the next. It is a very rewarding journey for growth.
When I embarked on this journey, I only wanted to get rid of my pain, but as I walked more and more, I started to realize that the traumas actually would take us to an infinite gold mine. They bring us growth, peace, understanding and love – of ourselves as well as others.
I hope this small sharing from a predecessor will accompany and facilitate your journey to hidden treasure.
Hi Naoko, i am very happy for your healing. Thanks for your sharing. Jocelyne xxx
You certainly show your love to many. I witnessed it during my mother’s last day here on earth when you gave her a foot massage that gave her permission to move forward. Witnessing that was one of the most touching experiences of my live.
With love,
Angi