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Healing Is a Long Journey, though Sometimes Painful, Leads Us to Treasure

Healing doesn’t happen overnight, despite our wishes.  For a shift to happen, we need to look into ourselves for the root cause.  Just like a sickness, it takes time and patience to heal.   Sometimes even years or decades.  

In the meantime, we get disappointed, frustrated, impatient, or depressed because nothing seems to happen.  

Since very young age, I didn’t feel love from my parents.  I always felt something was not right. So when the kindergarten teacher taught us “God is father and God loves us,” I got puzzled.  When my mother told me “There is no mother who doesn’t love her child,” I could not fully believe her.  

In the Catholic high school I studied, “love” was a prerequisite for life.  As a very good student, I believed whatever the nuns said.  However, when told to visualize my future beloved husband and family, I found it an impossible task.    

Then I had an abortion at 22.  The realization that I’d done it out of my incapacity of loving devastated me. I loathed myself and firmly resolved to learn to love.  My healing journey began. 

I assumed one life time might not be enough to accomplish such a lofty goal; I was too far.  As anticipated, my progress was very, very slow.  

“I will learn to love.”  Yes, but what is love exactly?  And how can I get closer to it?  

As I had never been loved as who I was, I had no clear idea/picture of what I was aiming at.  I thought feelings of love as love and thus went all over the place looking for it, with no avail.  I spent more than 10 years in the dark pit, circling around.

One day a quote struck a chord: “Love is an art.” Oh love is an ART!  Art that requires time and toil to grow and perfect, not something that I was equipped with! I am NOT.  But, if art, I can start cultivating it, even from zero, and, no matter how long it may take. 

Erich Fromm’s words filled me with renewed energy, courage, hope and inspiration to go through 4 more years to the first breakthrough. This mental understanding helped me to get out of the infertile circle and to go forward and upward.

When a breakthrough happens, we visit the scene that caused the trauma (= root cause), and re-experience the painful emotion.  Once it is fully experienced and released (the process called catharsis), a shift/healing is complete.

In the life-long healing journey, the first breakthrough requires the longest time.  Then it becomes easier and takes less time; one insight will lead to another, one experience help to go through the next.  It is a very rewarding journey for growth.

When I embarked on this journey, I only wanted to get rid of my pain, but as I walked more and more, I started to realize that the traumas actually would take us to an infinite gold mine.  They bring us growth, peace, understanding and love – of ourselves as well as others. 

I hope this small sharing from a predecessor will accompany and facilitate your journey to hidden treasure.

2 thoughts on “Healing Is a Long Journey, though Sometimes Painful, Leads Us to Treasure”

  1. You certainly show your love to many. I witnessed it during my mother’s last day here on earth when you gave her a foot massage that gave her permission to move forward. Witnessing that was one of the most touching experiences of my live.

    With love,

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